Thank you for this interview, Fola. Tell me, why do you think husbands who cheat?
Thank you! I think most husbands who cheat do so for two reasons: 1) either they’re predisposed to cheat (and have probably been cheating on you and every other person they’ve ever been with all along) or they’re faced with a situation in which the opportunity to cheat presents itself. One type of husband is looking for any opportunity to fool around, the other sort of backs into it. Women blame themselves in a lot of these situations.
What can you tell them to make them understand that no matter how perfect you are, it can happen through no fault of theirs? What can they do about it when it does happen?
Generally when a man cheats, it’s about his fear, his insecurity, his lack of control or his unwillingness to check his libido. It’s very rare that a woman’s direct actions cause a man to cheat (even if the guy blames you for it later), unless it’s some sort of retaliation for infidelity on your part. Many women have the feeling that they’re not good enough, if they’d been better wives, or sexier, or more attentive that their husbands wouldn’t have looked elsewhere, but the truth is, men generally cheat because they don’t feel good about themselves, or because they believe they won’t get caught and their wives will never know.
What is the worst cheating story you have ever heard?
I know of a man who was unemployed for several years while his wife’s business was supporting their family. Instead of looking for work, he started an affair with the nanny. the wife kept trying to work things out, the husband strung her along for two years while socking away money so he could move out with the nanny. The wife was angry for a long time she’d essentially supported her cheating husband and his girlfriend for two years, while she worked AND took care of the kids. The good news is, once he moved out, both she and the children were a lot happier.
If a woman catches her man cheating, what’s the first thing you recommend they do?
Collect all the evidence you can before you confront a cheating spouse. If you confront him without any solid proof, he’ll deny it, and work a lot harder to conceal the evidence. Once you have proof, confront him and move on from there.
Is is okay for a woman to get rid of her husband once she catches them cheating? I mean, once a cheat, always a cheat, right?This is a tough question, and I think the answer is different for everyone. I tend to be a hard-liner on cheaters. I think if you keep a cheater, you’ve essentially taught them that they can fool around with basically no repercussions, and you’ll stay. If you have children, the situation becomes much more complicated. Statistically, a cheat tend to be repeat offenders. If you do take him back, I’d make sure he feels the consequences before you let him back into your house or your bed.
What words of wisdom can you give women everywhere who never want to be caught in that position?
First, make sure your spouse is aware of the penalties for cheating (loss of children, public embarrassment, etc.) and that cheating is a deal-breaker for you. If your husband is a chronic cheating type, there’s not much you can do, other than live with it, or move on. If your husband is basically a decent guy, and you want to keep him from temptation, make yourself a friendly fixture around his office, which is where 70 percent of affairs happen. (It’s a lot harder to sleep with man if you like his wife.)
Divinecaroline
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