Most might agree that the only thing worse than no apology is an insincere one.
Some men actually think a simple "I'm sorry" is enough to compensate for wrong doings. It's even bad enough that for one reason or the other, it might just be difficult for a woman to tell the difference between a sincere apology and an insincere one.
Here are 5 pointers that his apology is not genuine.
1. He Doesn't Seem to Understand Why He's Apologizing
After actually saying "I'm sorry," comprehending what he did wrong is the bare minimum for an apology. "Sorry on its own is like a balloon without a string," says Greer. "It needs to be tied to him explaining how he hurt you." If he's not showing an awareness of why what he did wasn't okay and how it affected your feelings, he probably doesn't get that he did anything wrong in the first place.
"The apology is just the beginning," says Greer. "The first thing it needs to be packaged with is an explanation of what exactly he's apologizing for."
2. He Makes It All About Him
Empathy is key for a successful apology, but it needs to be done the right way. Take Ian's assertion that, because he's received backlash (caused by his own actions), he understands how Kaitlyn's feeling. His heart might have been in the right place with that, but the execution was clumsy. "When someone brings in their own experience, he runs the risk of trivializing the intensity of your feelings," says Greer.
Instead of making it sound like he knew exactly how Kaitlyn felt, Ian could have tweaked the language and settled on something like, "I'm sorry I created some backlash that was upsetting for you. I've been through some myself, and it wasn't fair to help put you in that position."
That way, it doesn't make it seem like he thinks they're in the same exact situation.
3. He Makes a Show Out of It
So about that whole getting-on-his-knees and apologizing to America thing. "That's television, so it makes more sense there, but if a man is falling all over himself just repeating that he's sorry, it may not be sincere," says Greer.
Without an explanation of how he plans on changing any hurtful behaviors in the future, dramatic apologies can fall flat. "An apology should include some sort of intention about how he's going to change going forward," says Greer.
That's one major way you'll know he cares about not making the same mistake twice.
4. His Actions Don't Mimic His Words
Following a guy's stated resolve to do better, he needs to actually, you know, do better. "You have to give it time to play out because what people say in the moment can only be supported by what they do in the future," says Greer. Otherwise, a lack of change shows he can't take ownership of the apology. We won't know if Ian has that sort of romantic meltdown again, but if none of his future dates are subject to a rant about how top-notch he is, chances arebhe meant the apology.
5. He Expects You to Get Over It ASAP
If a guy does all of the above, he could still undermine what would otherwise be a good apology by expecting you to go back to normal in an instant. "That's more about him wanting you to get on with it without fully understanding why you might need more time," says Greer. Instead, after explaining that he knows how he hurt you and what he'll do to make sure it doesn't happen again, a guy who's truly sorry will get that it might take some time for you to heal.
Some men actually think a simple "I'm sorry" is enough to compensate for wrong doings. It's even bad enough that for one reason or the other, it might just be difficult for a woman to tell the difference between a sincere apology and an insincere one.
Here are 5 pointers that his apology is not genuine.
1. He Doesn't Seem to Understand Why He's Apologizing
After actually saying "I'm sorry," comprehending what he did wrong is the bare minimum for an apology. "Sorry on its own is like a balloon without a string," says Greer. "It needs to be tied to him explaining how he hurt you." If he's not showing an awareness of why what he did wasn't okay and how it affected your feelings, he probably doesn't get that he did anything wrong in the first place.
"The apology is just the beginning," says Greer. "The first thing it needs to be packaged with is an explanation of what exactly he's apologizing for."
2. He Makes It All About Him
Empathy is key for a successful apology, but it needs to be done the right way. Take Ian's assertion that, because he's received backlash (caused by his own actions), he understands how Kaitlyn's feeling. His heart might have been in the right place with that, but the execution was clumsy. "When someone brings in their own experience, he runs the risk of trivializing the intensity of your feelings," says Greer.
Instead of making it sound like he knew exactly how Kaitlyn felt, Ian could have tweaked the language and settled on something like, "I'm sorry I created some backlash that was upsetting for you. I've been through some myself, and it wasn't fair to help put you in that position."
That way, it doesn't make it seem like he thinks they're in the same exact situation.
3. He Makes a Show Out of It
So about that whole getting-on-his-knees and apologizing to America thing. "That's television, so it makes more sense there, but if a man is falling all over himself just repeating that he's sorry, it may not be sincere," says Greer.
Without an explanation of how he plans on changing any hurtful behaviors in the future, dramatic apologies can fall flat. "An apology should include some sort of intention about how he's going to change going forward," says Greer.
That's one major way you'll know he cares about not making the same mistake twice.
4. His Actions Don't Mimic His Words
Following a guy's stated resolve to do better, he needs to actually, you know, do better. "You have to give it time to play out because what people say in the moment can only be supported by what they do in the future," says Greer. Otherwise, a lack of change shows he can't take ownership of the apology. We won't know if Ian has that sort of romantic meltdown again, but if none of his future dates are subject to a rant about how top-notch he is, chances arebhe meant the apology.
5. He Expects You to Get Over It ASAP
If a guy does all of the above, he could still undermine what would otherwise be a good apology by expecting you to go back to normal in an instant. "That's more about him wanting you to get on with it without fully understanding why you might need more time," says Greer. Instead, after explaining that he knows how he hurt you and what he'll do to make sure it doesn't happen again, a guy who's truly sorry will get that it might take some time for you to heal.
Source: Women's Health Magazine
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