Why do we fight with people we love the most? It's an interesting concept, the whole thing: We act in a more volatile manner with the people we'd be the most devastated to lose.
It should be the opposite — that is, we should be fighting It's common sense that strangers and acquaintances are more likely to judge you for acting balls-to-the-wall crazy.
Science says that half the time we tap into our belligerent selves, we're not even trying to be malicious; we unconsciously act aggressively because that's just part of being human.
1. We deem our friends and family as safe targets
There are two types of aggression: direct and indirect. We impose direct aggression onto siblings and significant others.
Deborah South Richardson, a psychology professor at Georgia Regents University, hypothesized that people are directly aggressive to their siblings because they feel they have sturdy, stable relationships with them, not poor ones.
Richardson said:
Direct aggression with siblings, either verbal or physical, might be a safety issue. As in, I can confront my sibling, and I'm safe when I do it. I don't need to be indirect. I don't need to be passive. My sibling will always be my sibling.
She went on to speculate that we engage in a similarly motivated push-and-pull with our romantic partners. Friends, on the other hand, tend to bear the weight of our indirect aggression — AKA that passive-aggressive tension sh*t that fills the air when you and your friend are pissed at each other but too pissed for words, leading you to avoid confrontation like the bubonic plague.
2. We have a lower tolerance for the behaviors of those we spend the most time with.
Well, we have a low tolerance for the negative qualities of the people we surround ourselves with, says Dr. Alex Lickerman.
And, because we're likely to get more riled up about things we dislike as opposed to things that we do like, we end up making a point of getting into beef with them.
Why is it so damn hard for us to be mean to people we'll never even see again?
3. We know that at the end of the day, those who love us won't stop loving us.
It's common sense that strangers and acquaintances are more likely to judge you for acting balls-to-the-wall crazy. If I flipped out on a fellow pedestrian strolling alongside me on the sidewalk, he would think I'm a crazy bag person, fling his briefcase as far as he could and run far away.
But our loved ones love us despite our crazy, and they will continue to love us for it (well, most of them will). So keep fighting the good fight, kids.
- EliteDaily
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