Have you ever been so distracted by the thought of someone that you just can’t seem to work, study, or even enjoy a decent cup of coffee? Don’t worry about it. You are not crazy. You don’t need to go to a doctor yet. You’re just thinking too much about someone.
Why do people fixate on someone they like?
When you like someone, you can’t help but notice all the things that are connected to them. The time you spent together, their attributes, the little reminders of things that they’ve done, or the places they’ve been to – it’s all swirling around in your head.
When the relationship is going well, those kinds of thoughts are more than welcome. When something goes wrong and all you want to do is move on, those thoughts can be a totally unwanted distraction.
It’s understandable that you would want to relive all the good things you’ve been through with that person, but sometimes, depressing thoughts can go along with it. That’s why you feel the need to forget a person. The only problem is that the intensity of your emotions prevents that from happening.
It’s not just the amount of affection you have for that person. It can also be due to your insecurities or lack of closure. No matter what the reason is, the fact is that you want to stop these thoughts.
How do you get someone out of your head?
Most people – meaning your friends who have an objective view of the situation – think that you can easily stop thinking about someone. They say that wanting to stop thinking is enough, and that it will happen sooner or later. That is partially true. You will move on, but some people want to do it quickly.
No one can blame them, really. Some people experience pain when they are thinking about someone, so it’s understandable that they would want to stop their fixation immediately. The truth is that it’s not that easy to remove someone from your mind. That’s because the memory of their existence is already imprinted in your brain.
The only way to completely forget about them is to get amnesia or get hypnotized. Both seem like far-fetched ideas, which means you’ll have to go the traditional route – getting over it.
How long will it take to stop thinking about someone?
Everyone wants to know the exact timeframe it takes to get over or forget someone. Most people will tell you that it depends on the level of intimacy and the mindset of the people involved. If that’s how you’re going about this moving-on thing, you may be in for a ton of disappointment.
According to science, there are now two possible theories that tell you how long it takes to get over someone, but not necessarily stop thinking about them. One is that it takes an average of 18 months after a divorce to get over your ex. The other is that it takes 11 weeks *about 3 months* to get over a regular relationship.
Bear in mind that these are standardized experiments that involved only a miniscule percentage of the general population. It’s not an exact science. If you really want a satisfying answer as to how long it takes to stop thinking about someone, this is the best we can do for you: You won’t forget about them for at least three months.
The good news is that there is something you can do to ease that process and speed it up.
Exercises to help you stop thinking about someone
Don’t worry. We’re not going to give you the usual run-around about loving yourself, distracting yourself with friends, and finding a new hobby. You already know that those things work, yet here you are. You’re still looking at the same old article, hoping that you’ll find a different answer.
You won’t. That’s because the only way to forget someone is to start remembering yourself even when thoughts of them are floating around in your periphery. Still, we have a few stages and tips for each stage that can help you achieve a semblance of normalcy within your thoughts.
Stage 1 – Meditation
#1 Start meditating every day. Seeing as that unwanted thoughts about someone has become a nuisance in your daily life, why not add something worthwhile into your routine?
#2 Isolate yourself. Meditate for at least 5 minutes a day by finding a quiet place or immersing yourself in sound-cancelling headphones while listening to meditation music. Concentrate on your breathing as you inhale and exhale.
#3 Focus! When unwanted thoughts slip through, pull yourself back to your breathing.
#4 Persevere. Keep doing this until you train yourself to keep unwanted thoughts at bay.
Stage 2 – Avoidance
#1 Remind yourself not to look them up. Cut yourself off from any path of communication or exposure to this person. Keep telling yourself that you should not look at them because it just worsens your situation.
#2 Don’t give yourself freebies. Experts will tell you that you should face the unwanted thought, and let it go. They don’t mean that you should do this as many times as you can. There needs to be a point where you acknowledge the fact that you can control your thoughts. That’s why the last advice is to let it go, which means that you shouldn’t look back on these unwanted thoughts at all.
#3 Lessen your proximity to that person. Stop going to the places that they frequent. If you work with them, avoid them as much as you can. When you encounter them, do not engage them.
#4 Accept defeat, but rise above it. If it can’t be helped, just don’t put any value on their presence at that moment. It is neither beneficial nor harmful. They simply exist, and you should accept that fact.
Stage 3 – Transference
#1 Think of something else. Whenever the thought of someone pops up in your head, think of something else really quickly. Anything! A plant, a dog, a sewing machine – anything that’s not that person is good enough. Keep doing this until your thoughts stop racing with that person in mind.
#2 Think happy thoughts. If you start thinking of a bad memory about a person, replace it with a good memory. By doing this, you’ll feel calmer and more relaxed instead of being agitated all the time, and it will be easier to transfer your thoughts to something unrelated to that person.
#3 Solve a puzzle. Find a crossword puzzle, play some games on your phone that requires intense thinking, build a Lego castle. Mentally challenging activities take up most of your attention, which makes it easier to push unwanted thoughts aside.
Will you ever stop thinking about them?
Like we said before, the only way to completely stop thinking about someone is by getting brain damage or finding a hypnotist that can do that for you.
On the other hand, by following these steps, you might not forget about a person, but thoughts of them will stop being painful soon enough. This is possible if you are willing to make the necessary changes to allow it to happen sooner.
These exercises are just a temporary reprieve from the actual problem you’re facing. Not thinking about someone is not necessarily your last resort. There are other options to keep in mind like self-introspection and applying yourself to things that can benefit you, like work and extra-curricular activities.
You don’t have to be bogged down by unwanted thoughts of someone all the time. You can change what you’re thinking about and stop thinking about the ones who hurt you. With that in mind, why don’t you start thinking about yourself instead?
By Danielle Anne Suleik
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